Montauks
Montauks are mysterious creatures - the primary mystery being whether or not they actually exist. The infamous conspiracy monger Giorgio Bouffolos claims they do. All other evidence points to the contrary. Largely because it doesn't exist.
According to those who've allegedly seen one, a montauk looks like a hairless bear with a beak. Besides the basics, many legends exist that describe the behaviour of these creatures. Few of these stories line up. Many of them actively conflict.
The Pundlian Legend
According to the Pundlian folklore, a family of three montauks lived in the woods. One day the father, mother, and baby served themselves some porridge then went for a stroll. While the house lay empty, a young woman named Goldifox entered it. Ignoring the porridge, she assessed the property - noting that the family had made several illegal additions. The montauks returned to find a demolition notice on their front door.
If this faëry tale seems somewhat lacking in whimsy, there's a good reason for that. In the Middling Ages, the Duke of Ghastlick invented something called 'planning permission'. He'd noticed the local peasantry improving upon their 'crap huts', and feeling like he should profit from their slightly reduced misery, he invented a new tax.
In order to normalise the idea of planning permission, the duke paid a team of bards to go around modifying existing faëry tales to reference ideas like 'planning permission' and 'zoning permits'. Amazingly, a few of these stories stuck.
Montauk Facts
Creation Notes
When I was writing The Quest Factor, I needed a creature which people had heard of but wasn't real. As plenty of creatures like this actually exist (by which I mean actually don't exist), I hit the cryptozoology forums. After some perusing I came across the Montauk Monster:
The creature was named for the fact that it washed up near the business district of Montauk, New York. Potentially it had come to conduct some dealings of its own. If so, said business went poorly for it.
According to Wikipedia:
The common theory is that it's a water-damaged racoon corpse, but let's not be too quick to dismiss the Plum Island theory. After all, why would you build your testing facility on an island unless you planned on creating some sort of teenage mutant hairy turtle?
So yes - this was what was going through my mind when I came up with the montauk. That and owlbears from Dungeons and Dragons, probably. God damn I love those owlbears.
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| Montauk by Zuza Gruzlewska |
According to those who've allegedly seen one, a montauk looks like a hairless bear with a beak. Besides the basics, many legends exist that describe the behaviour of these creatures. Few of these stories line up. Many of them actively conflict.
The Pundlian Legend
According to the Pundlian folklore, a family of three montauks lived in the woods. One day the father, mother, and baby served themselves some porridge then went for a stroll. While the house lay empty, a young woman named Goldifox entered it. Ignoring the porridge, she assessed the property - noting that the family had made several illegal additions. The montauks returned to find a demolition notice on their front door.
If this faëry tale seems somewhat lacking in whimsy, there's a good reason for that. In the Middling Ages, the Duke of Ghastlick invented something called 'planning permission'. He'd noticed the local peasantry improving upon their 'crap huts', and feeling like he should profit from their slightly reduced misery, he invented a new tax.
In order to normalise the idea of planning permission, the duke paid a team of bards to go around modifying existing faëry tales to reference ideas like 'planning permission' and 'zoning permits'. Amazingly, a few of these stories stuck.
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- As montauks probably don't exist, it's unclear what sort of noise they make. Being a bear with a beak, they'd likely growl, quack, or chirrup.
- A group of montauks are collectively known as a 'didn't happen'.
Creation Notes
When I was writing The Quest Factor, I needed a creature which people had heard of but wasn't real. As plenty of creatures like this actually exist (by which I mean actually don't exist), I hit the cryptozoology forums. After some perusing I came across the Montauk Monster:
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| WASTED |
According to Wikipedia:
Initial media reports included speculation that the Montauk Monster might have been a turtle without its shell—although turtles' shells are fused with the spine and cannot be removed in this way—a dog, a large rodent, or a science experiment from the nearby government animal testing facility, the Plum Island Animal Disease Center.
The common theory is that it's a water-damaged racoon corpse, but let's not be too quick to dismiss the Plum Island theory. After all, why would you build your testing facility on an island unless you planned on creating some sort of teenage mutant hairy turtle?
So yes - this was what was going through my mind when I came up with the montauk. That and owlbears from Dungeons and Dragons, probably. God damn I love those owlbears.
See Also
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