Beefnippers

For time immemorial, the Tower of Leaden has maintained a regiment of beefnippers to protect it. To fulfil this role they exclusively hire the bird people known as roaks. They call them 'beef nippers' because each guard carries a hunk of meat in their top pocket. Historically this compensated for their lack of dinner breaks; the tradition persists because roaks like a little gristle to keep themselves lively.

Beefnipper by Zuza Gruzlewska

In days gone by, beefnippers primarily acted as guards. While they still offer protection, their day-to-day now involves:

• Guided tours.
• Working the gift shop.
• Going: "CAAAAW! CAAAAAW!"
• Nipping beef.
• Encouraging the monstrous cragpies that live on the grounds not to eat people.
• Recovering the remains when a cragpie inevitably does eat someone.
• Resurrecting said victims.
• Nipping more beef.

Relationship with Cragpies

One of the tree-like cragpies that live at the Tower of Leaden

Cragpies are one of the monsters that have learned to live alongside people - something they do by limiting themselves to only eating weekend binge drinkers. What many don't know, however, is that this all began at the Tower of Leaden.

It started when King Hangry VIII took a shine to the horrible bird-things - particularly enjoying the way they gouged the peasants he loved agonising. Hangry already had a significant torture chamber at the Tower, and the cragpies added to this. With a steady supply of squeals on tap, the monsters became as tame as monsters can be. Eventually some flew the coop, and these vaguely-tame horrors have spread ever since. 

While urban cragpies remain somewhat of a nuisance, the beefnippers have bred an impressive level of docility into the ones they oversee. This means they won't eat people at all unless instructed to. In general this sees the beefnippers allowing them to eat the odd child to keep rowdy school groups in check. Children love seeing this so much it's actually become the main attraction. Sometimes they'll fight over who gets the privilege of being devoured.

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Beefnipper Facts

• The vegetarian option for guards who'd rather not nip beef is boiled egg. The vegan is grilled aubergine. 
• 'Nipping beef' has become popular among warriors who follow the ketogenic regime - a dietary choice that's high in beef and low in diet.

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Creation Notes

Pretty simple genesis on these lads:

1. I took the real-life beefeaters (who look after ravens).
2. I made them raven-people. 
3. I changed 'beefeater' to 'beefnipper'.

In my extensive Wikipedia research, I uncovered the following fact, which is possibly one of the funniest things I've ever read on the English:

The name Beefeater is of uncertain origin, with various proposed derivations. The term was common as early as the 17th century as a slang term for the English in general.

Having lived around English people all my life, I can confirm this is 100% what they're like - although many of them have moved on to gammon in the past few years.

See Also

• Cragpies
• Game of Plagues

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