House Pwnthers
In other spheres of existence, people keep cats despite them being capricious killing machines. On Tumultia, they domesticated one species of cat to completion. They domesticated them to excess, in fact. This resulted in animals that can barely survive in domesticity – let alone the wild.
House pwnthers have the grace of a drunk Labrador, but also the charm of a drunk Labrador. They grow to about twice the size of a cat, and many have permanently stuck-out tongues. Most have giant, floppy ears, and so little balance that they stagger as their main form of locomotion. This happens because of their weirdly long legs – an evolution they haven't quite evolved to deal with.
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| Artwork by Zuza Gruzlewska |
House pwnthers have the grace of a drunk Labrador, but also the charm of a drunk Labrador. They grow to about twice the size of a cat, and many have permanently stuck-out tongues. Most have giant, floppy ears, and so little balance that they stagger as their main form of locomotion. This happens because of their weirdly long legs – an evolution they haven't quite evolved to deal with.
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| You can download The Quest Factor for free from several retailers. You can buy it in paperback at Amazon. |
House Pwnther Breeds
Numerous chimera breeds of house pwnther exist - most being bred with the intention of making the hapless creatures less hazardous to themselves. Current registered breeds include.
House Pwnther Facts
Creation Notes
The idea for house pwnthers came from a cat called Socks - a long, leggy fellow who'd come into my house to knock things over. I liked him because he was constantly over balancing and falling off things. As cats are known for their balance, this made me think of a species in which the complete opposite proved true.
When I came to draw the house pwnther, I based it on the face of a Persian cat, the ears of a beagle, and the body of a maned wolf. The image at the top was drawn by Zuza Gruzlewska based on my original design.
They were originally called 'pounthers', but it turned out the Pokemon Company had snagged that name. I've since discovered that 90% of the good chimera names are already Pokemon. The early Pidgey catches the Weedle, as they say.
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Numerous chimera breeds of house pwnther exist - most being bred with the intention of making the hapless creatures less hazardous to themselves. Current registered breeds include.
- Austrovian Prong: Pwnthers with antlers – an appendage that stops them poking around where they're not welcome/safe, which is everywhere.
- Moggasus: Pwnthers with wings to help them avoid steps altogether. Voted 'Most Likely to Smash Your Out of Reach China' three years in a row in What Pwnther? magazine.
- Flop: Pwnthers with bunny tails and powerful hind legs. The idea was they'd use these legs to hop out of danger. More often than not, they do the exact opposite.
- Janovian Grabtail: Pwnthers with monkey tails. Breeders thought that a tail would give them a chance to avoid falls by gripping onto things at the last minute. In reality, it just gave them another limb with which to knock things over.
- Moderate White Stuck: Pwnthers with shark fins to stop them squeezing underneath floor boards and furniture.
- Thumbpaws: Pwnthers with people-hands, because what could go wrong?
House Pwnther Facts
- House pwnthers go: "Mwow!"
- A group of house pwnthers are collectively known as a 'stumble'.
- While regular cats are known for having nine lives, your average house pwnther has 0.7.
The idea for house pwnthers came from a cat called Socks - a long, leggy fellow who'd come into my house to knock things over. I liked him because he was constantly over balancing and falling off things. As cats are known for their balance, this made me think of a species in which the complete opposite proved true.
When I came to draw the house pwnther, I based it on the face of a Persian cat, the ears of a beagle, and the body of a maned wolf. The image at the top was drawn by Zuza Gruzlewska based on my original design.
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